Sunday, September 29, 2013

Bellas Mafiosas y Crap.

When a narco movie opens with a shitty James Bond styled animation sequence, you'll know right then and there that the entire movie will suck. This is the case for Bellas Mafiosas y Criminales.

In Bellas Mafiosas y Criminales, we got 2 groups of girls: Las Colombianas and Las Tapatias. They're rivals because Las Colombianas' mom was murdered by the drug lord father of Las Tapatias. I think. So, Colombianas is leaded by this really attractive & bitter looking chick who opens her eyes like crazy when she's talking. She just pops em out and gets all mad. I imagine she was doing that because she had to star in this awful movie. Anyway, so Las Colombianas go around shooting traitors, enemies, and relaxing in their pool. Yes, they wear bathing suits. Really nice ones, too. As for Las Tapatias; they do what Las Colombianas do minus the relaxing by the pool part (sucks). Then there's this weird guy with long hair who works with Las Colombianas and their father. He's an asshole to the girls but they somehow tolerate him til they finally realize he's a murdering traitor.

As you can tell, I barely paid attention the movie and I couldn't really make out what was actually going because the movie is just all over the place. One minute we're looking at these hot girls in the pool, then a crap flashback scene cuts in showing the terrible murder of a mother. By 'terrible murder' I mean it was just shot awfully. Terrible acting & all. 

Who exactly were the guys that made this movie? I imagine them being a group of bored men who record Quinceañeras in the Inland Empire area. One the one weekend they weren't videotaping a drunken father dancing with his now 15 year old woman of a daughter, they watched awful narco movies on KRCA-62 to pass the workless time. After the movies, they realized they got the proper equipment to make their own awful narco movie and thus Bellas Mafiosas y Criminales was conceived (ew). Now how did these dudes even get these attractive girls to star in their movie? Well, they either picked them up at some bar and told them they can make stars out of them by appearing in this movie. Or they were dating these girls and these girls brought their friends to star as well. Wild guesses, but I'm probably close enough though. 

Bellas Mafiosas y Criminales is awful. It may have an attractive cast of ladies, but they're acting is so painfully awful. The music is awful as well. Its all cheap and boring sounding. The dialogue is of course painful too. It's all cheesy and attempting to sound badass, but obviously it doesn't come out badass at all.

Fuck this movie. I think I'll throw away the DVD. That's what I did with that piece of crap called Frontera De Mexicali. 1/10.


Sunday, September 22, 2013

10 Mexi-Trash Trailers to watch over & over!!

More Trailers? Oh, YES! And these trailers are just plain Trashy & grainy as Hell. Well, one isn't really trashy but has plenty of grain in it though. Anyway, Enjoy! 

Riesgo De Muerte (1993)
Here's an interesting looking Miguel Marte movie. Typical shoot-em-up with Mario Almada, Martin Casanova, and Juan Gallardo. These are always fun to watch. Especially when they have a semi-random explosion scene.

Juego Violento (1994)
Valentin Trujillo and his chubby brother running around and firin' guns. Looks like a fun watch to me! 

Bailando Con La Mas Fea (1996)
I like how the trailer is all quirky then near the end it gets a little serious with Alfonso Zayas shooting someone. I take it he's playing a cop disguised as a bum?

Eva Secuestrada Y Adan Como Si Nada (1995)
This movie looks so great. That amazing cast, that New York cap, and that freakin' Paul McCartney shirt. GAH! Must. Watch. Someday.

Victimas De Un Asesino (1990)
I've seen this one and perhaps I'll review it one of these days. Claudia Guzman is so amazing in this movie.

Panama III: El Secuestro (????)
I didn't even know there was a part 2 a while back. Now I find out there's a part 3 of Panama: La Caida De Noriega??! WOW!

Como Fui Enamorarme De Ti (1991)
It's like I died and came back to life in 1991 Mexico. Read my review HERE

Entre El Poder y El Deseo (1993)
Miguel Angel Rodriguez directed this interesting looking crime/action flick. 

Las Viejas Del Patron (2003)
The internet says 2005, but I say 2003 since the tape I ripped this from a 2003 tape. Anyway, watch the late Jorge Luke being a a ladies man and a crime boss at the same time. Long Live Jorge Luke.

Pasion y Crimen En Juarez (2003)
I can't think of a Juarez Murders movie that is actually good. Perhaps this one could be good? Looks pretty bloody and it stars Juan Valentin. Juan Valentin most likely & annoyingly sings in the movie; but I'm open to watching the movie still.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Jorge Reynoso is the Boss of Bosses.

In the mid 90's there was a drug trafficker from Mexico who was fascinating as Hell since he became boss of the Juarez Cartel after killing the former leader in cold blood. This drug trafficker was named Amado Carrillo Fuentes aka "El Señor De Los Cielos" (The Lord of the Skies).  He was called El Señor De Los Cielos for his use of airplanes to transport huge amounts of drugs into the USA. Particularly cocaine. Eventually, Amado fell down from his powerful rein after going through plastic surgery to change his appearance. The surgery went bad and he died immediately. Or so they say. For the longest time, the death of Amado has been questioned since some believe he never did die. He perhaps staged the death and did actually change is appearance.

The following year after Amado's bizarre death; There were quite a lot of movies & songs made about him. Just recently, Telemundo started to air a telenovela based on Amado. Back in 1998 (a year after Amado died), a movie called Capo De Capos made its way into Video stores all over Mexico and the USA. Capo De Capos is of course based on Amado, but obviously names were changed and faces as well (no pun intended).

Jorge Reynoso stars in Capo De Capos as El Señor De Los Aires (a different way to say "The Lord of Skies"). El Señor De Los Aires has just taken over the Juarez Cartel after eliminating the 3 bosses that have betrayed him. El Señor De Los Aires sets out to be the biggest and most powerful drug trafficker in all of Mexico and perhaps even the whole world. As his power rises, the cops search high & low for him. When the heat gets too hot for El Señor De Los Aires, he decides to change his identity by getting plastic surgery. The surgery apparently goes wrong and he dies.. Or say they say....

For a movie from the late 90's, Capo De Capos delivers some pretty good stuff. Good stuff as in plenty of gun-firing & fist-fighting action. Surprisingly a well written plot as well. Jorge Reynoso is also at his best in this movie playing such a badass boss and its always a pleasure seeing play a boss of some sort. The movie does get a tad slow and cheesy after a little while, but I prefer this movie over any other wannabe El Señor De Los Cielos screen portrayal. Don't get me started on that Telemundo telenovela.. *pukes*

Capo De Capos definitely delivers plenty of cool crime/action fun. Get at it sometime, yes? 5/10.