Friday, August 24, 2012

Ear Cuttin' with Roberto Flaco Guzman.

A truck driver and his adolescent son are on their way to deliver melons to a store. Out of nowhere, the truck driver is forced to pull over by men who claim to be be judiciales. The 'judiciales' claim they want the drugs that are hidden in the truck, the trucker tells them there are no drugs in the truck (which is true), then they all start fighting each other with fists & guns. Next thing you know, the leader of the 'judiciales' who's called Remoto (Roberto Flaco Guzman) cuts off an ear... the ear of the trucker's son! As the son's ear recovers in the hospital (haha!), the trucker teams up with a good friend (Valentin Trujillo) to find Remoto so they can kill him and anyone that gets in their damn way.

Based on the wild story of Daniel Arizmendi Lopez, this movie really doesn't portray Daniel aka "El Mochaorejas" very well. Oh sure, he does brutally cut 2 ears off and he is some kind of leader of a criminal organization, but that's about it. We don't see him kidnapping anybody or cut a lot of ears off like the real guy did. Now that I think about it, this damn movie barely focuses on El Mochaorejas! After the trucker's friend cuts Eva Garbo's ear off (what a tragedy!), the movie takes a turn for the worse(r) by just focusing on the trucker out & about, singing lame songs, and talking to his family. Dumb, huh? Very dumb! After all that dumb crap with the trucker, the movie finally (& slowly) focuses on him wanting to kill Remoto....

Ahh hell, El Mochaorejas coulda been pretty decent if it didn't focus so much on the damn trucker. That trucker is just not an interesting dude. He doesn't sing all that great either. I wanted to see more of Remoto cutting some damn ears off! That's what the movie is supposed to be about! Not about how the trucker can sing & shit like that.  Eh, whatever. Fuck it. 2/10.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Legend of Mexican Green Hornet.

I watch a lot of movies. Some are good, some are bad, and some of them are just plain fucking weird. Take El Lambiscon Verde (aka "Mexican Green Hornet") for instance; now that's a really fucking weird movie. Actually, it's more than fucking weird. What's a stronger word for weird? Does such a word even exist? If such a word does exist, then that's the word to describe El Lambiscon Verde.

In El Lambiscon Verde, Oscar Fentanes & Luis De Alba team up to fight crime in the streets of oh I don't know, Mexico City? Yeah, Mexico City (I guess). Oscar dresses up as The Green Hornet and Luis being his fat sidekick & all, dresses up as Kato. Also, a Garfield plush doll called Rubio joins in on the crime fighting, but unfortunately he doesn't do anything but meow and wear a little Green Hornet mask. So anyway, the oddball trio fight bad dudes, crack corny jokes, dress up as female gymnasts, and then they crash a party where they do all kinds of weird shit that doesn't make any sense.

When I first put in the Lambiscon Verde tape into the VCR, I knew I was in for something weird.. Something very [stronger word for weird]. This movie is obviously NOT funny and the Garfield plush doll does NOT make any sense, but you know what? I sorta liked it anyway (weird, huh?). It's sort of enjoyable since the costumes are goofy looking (cheap), the chicks in the movie are hot (who's the hottie with the weird mouth?), and it's quite fun to watch Luis De Alba in this movie since he's a fat & horny galoot just like in all his other weird ass movies. Even though I'm not familiar with Oscar Fentanes, he too is also fun to watch in this movie since he's a weirdo that wears a fake mustache and always carries around a Garfield plush doll. Why he carries a Garfield plush doll around with him all the time, I don't know, but I really would like to know though. If anyone knows why or thinks they know why, please email me with your answers and theories. PLEASE.

Are you interested in watching Oscar Fentanes play the Mexican Green Hornet? Are you interested in watching Luis De Alba play Kato? Are you interested in watching a Garfield plush doll wear a little Green Hornet mask?  Well then, go find yourself a copy of El Lambiscon Verde. I'm sure you'll find it somewhere (hopefully). 4/10.