Sunday, August 26, 2012

Danik. Mexico's Favorite Little Martian!

In 1996, a Mexican family movie called Danik, El Viajero Del Tiempo ( aka "The Time Traveler") was released in theaters. Every Mexican that saw that movie fell in love with it. All these Mexicans fell in love with it because the main character Danik was the cutest little thing from outta this world! Everyone from all over Mexico wore Danik t-shirts & held Danik dolls with them at all times. Shoot, even some of the fans from the rural areas of Mexico made Danik paper mache masks to sell in the nearby cities. People loved those masks to death and would pay ridiculous amounts of pesos to acquire them. When the movie was released on home video, damn.... The video was sold out quickly. It was the top selling Mexican movie of 1996. The love for Danik was fucking ridiculous... Really fucking ridiculous. Fuck....

Unfortunately, the love for Danik didn't last for long. It faded away as soon as Disney's Hercules came along. Today, Danik is long gone forgotten. The fact that Danik is no longer loved & remembered in Mexico saddens me because this movie is really, really amazing. This movie made me laugh with joy, cry like an adorable little child, and it made smile oh so big. Danik is such a wonderful little martian. You can't hate him at all. He is just so darn lovable and ever so inspiring.

Danik, El Viajero Del Tiempo tells the story of an architect dude (Oscar Bonfiglio) who's very irresponsible & extremely cruel. All this dude ever does is drink heavily, smoke heavily, and be cruel to his steady (& pregnant) girlfriend (Maribel Palmer). One night after drinking heavily (as usual), the architect dude is visited by a female alien being from the future. The femalien from the future tells him that 7 years ago she used him to conceive a child and that now is the time for him to meet Danik, their 7 year old martian child. The femalien wants Danik to learn stuff from his 'father' and she wants the 'father' to learn how to be a better person from Danik. So, human father & martian son start out rough at first but then they quickly get along, they start to improve themselves, and Danik uses his powers to entertain the neighborhood children.

Ah yes, this movie is filled with joy from start to finish! Your entire family will surely love it! You know what else they'll love about this movie? DANIK of course! Oh boy, Danik is such an adorable & wonderful little martian. You can't help but aww when you his see big pale head and his big & adorable black eyes. What I find fascinating about Danik is that he can transform into a human child whenever he's out & about. It's like, "OMG SO COOL!". Now what's more fascinating about Danik is the fact that he can raise the dead! You're probably thinking, 'NO FUCKING WAY!" but really, its damn true! He actually does it in one part of the movie! When a dead child is brought back to life by Danik's awesome super powers, you know what Danik adorably says? He says, "Nobody saw nothing, right? Okay. Now let's go play!". OH DANIK! You are such a clever little martian! I love you Danik! I LOVE YOU!

As amazing as the movie sounds, there is one issue I had with the movie. It's the part where the architect dude heads off to bed. For some reason, a hair is visible in the camera lens! NOW ISN'T THAT AWFUL!? Why would they allow some long haired hippie to run the camera? Didn't they realize that his hair could of fucked up the whole movie with his damn hair? FUCK MAN! FUCK!

It's so sad that this movie is now forgotten by all the wonderful people of Mexico. Come on Mexican guys & gals, don't you remember how Danik inspired you and your little friends to pull harmless pranks on old people? Remember how Danik inspired you to do good in school so that way your future won't be fucked up? Remember those fun times you had with your family watching Danik on VHS? Come on now, you know those were the best times of your life.

Danik made your life and other people's lives wonderful. You owe a lot to Danik. Love him again please.... Please! 7/10.


I would like to dedicate this song to Danik. This song is so about Danik. Danik is A Real Hero. He may be only part human, but to me and all his fans from 1996, he is A Real Human Being. God Bless Danik! *cries*

Friday, August 24, 2012

Ear Cuttin' with Roberto Flaco Guzman.

A truck driver and his adolescent son are on their way to deliver melons to a store. Out of nowhere, the truck driver is forced to pull over by men who claim to be be judiciales. The 'judiciales' claim they want the drugs that are hidden in the truck, the trucker tells them there are no drugs in the truck (which is true), then they all start fighting each other with fists & guns. Next thing you know, the leader of the 'judiciales' who's called Remoto (Roberto Flaco Guzman) cuts off an ear... the ear of the trucker's son! As the son's ear recovers in the hospital (haha!), the trucker teams up with a good friend (Valentin Trujillo) to find Remoto so they can kill him and anyone that gets in their damn way.

Based on the wild story of Daniel Arizmendi Lopez, this movie really doesn't portray Daniel aka "El Mochaorejas" very well. Oh sure, he does brutally cut 2 ears off and he is some kind of leader of a criminal organization, but that's about it. We don't see him kidnapping anybody or cut a lot of ears off like the real guy did. Now that I think about it, this damn movie barely focuses on El Mochaorejas! After the trucker's friend cuts Eva Garbo's ear off (what a tragedy!), the movie takes a turn for the worse(r) by just focusing on the trucker out & about, singing lame songs, and talking to his family. Dumb, huh? Very dumb! After all that dumb crap with the trucker, the movie finally (& slowly) focuses on him wanting to kill Remoto....

Ahh hell, El Mochaorejas coulda been pretty decent if it didn't focus so much on the damn trucker. That trucker is just not an interesting dude. He doesn't sing all that great either. I wanted to see more of Remoto cutting some damn ears off! That's what the movie is supposed to be about! Not about how the trucker can sing & shit like that.  Eh, whatever. Fuck it. 2/10.