Sunday, March 31, 2019

Alberto Rojas "El Caballo" had sexual relations with that woman.

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman” said former US president Bill Clinton back in 1998 when it came to light that the president was banging former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. The whole ordeal to this day is rather strange, but hilarious as well. A year after the scandal, legendary Mexican comedic actor Alberto Rojas “El Caballo” and Jose Natera decided to give their own interpretation of this odd political scandal with all the jokes and lots & lots of other weirdness they could offer.

In Los Enredos En La Casa Blanca (roughly translating as "Entanglements In The White House"), we meet former CIA agent turned drug trafficker Smith & Hueso (Jose Natera) and his companion Boby & Hueso. When Bill Clinton/Griton (Alberto Rojas) is sworn in as the new president of the United States of America, this causes much irritation to Smith & Hueso because it was Bill who got him terminated from the CIA for corruption! Smith & Hueso and Boby then hatch up a plan to get revenge on President Bill by getting a woman named Monica Del Whisky (Roberta d'Nero) to have an illicit affair with him and then have it all exposed to the entire country!

Whatever Alberto Rojas and Jose Natera were smoking & drinking while making this movie, it must of been some really strong shit because they made a really fucking weird movie that they themselves didn’t take serious at all. Literally the entire movie is full of fucking ridiculous shit going on.

For example: we see Bill fondling every woman at the Inaugural Ball all while First Lady Hillary walks around In her panties because her dress slipped off. We then see Bill rolling a marijuana joint while holding a chihuahua dog in a bizarre room where there’s porn tapes & a blowup doll. I also can’t forget to mention the scene where Vice President Al Gorron brings in a Mexican drug trafficker wearing a rubber mask bribing the president with cash & weed, then Bill caresses the rubber ears on the mask and puts his hands on the head & makes a thrusting move as if he were getting a blowjob from the masked trafficker. Writing that alone was strange, but it’s what happens on screen. Then when Smith and Boby seek out a woman to have an affair with Bill—they meet up with the ridiculous mad Dr. Siquesi (Pepe Magaña) who breaks the fourth wall a couple times by mentioning his body-double doesn’t look like him & director Alberto Rojas offscreen tells him to shut the hell up. He also tells Jose Natera/Smith & Hueso that he is his favorite actor and loves the Caro Quintero comedy bits he did. After almost having a threesome and the 2 weirdo men shower together—Dr. Siquesi brings a female human corpse back to life which becomes Monica Del Whisky!! Mad doctor shit right there!

I could write up much more of the weird shit that happens in this movie, but then I’d be spoiling the entire movie for you and I wouldn’t wanna do that because Los Enredos En La Casa Blanca is a movie that’s need to be seen to believe because it is just so fucking ridiculous and hilarious. When I say it’s hilarious, it's because it’s full of very bad jokes! As soon as Monica Del Whisky enters the White House—all the sex jokes about the affair come to life (all of the jokes!). The main one of course is where Monica was definitely blowing Bill.. blowing his saxophone that is.

Alberto Rojas portrayal of the 42nd US president is so bad that it's good. The cheap grey wig alone was just bad, but it's hilariously bad. He also attempts to play the saxophone since that made Bill Clinton look so cool apparently! However though, it’s obvious Alberto Rojas didn’t know what the hell he was doing with the instrument at all, so him trying to be like Bill playing the saxophone was atrociously hilarious. The very attractive Claudia Del Valle plays First Lady Hillary and it’s an incredibly odd/funny role since she mostly bosses Bill around and starves him of sex because according to Bill, Democrats aren't really into having sex (is this true??). Vice President Al Gorron is played by Gaston Padilla and he gives this supporting role justice because the real former Vice president is one boring as hell individual and anything Gaston Padilla does is always fun to see! Roberta d’Nero plays the controversial role of Monica Del Whisky and she actually does a pretty good job at it. She almost resembles the real Monica with the outfits she wears, has the same hairstyle and even has the big tits as well. Amazing, right? Truly amazing. I'd honestly hoped we saw her nude in the movie, but sadly that doesn't happen. At least her curvaceous body is shown in tight clothing and she's also seen in her underwear.

Los Enredos En La Casa Blanca is an incredibly fucking weird movie for sure. It’s clearly bad as well, but as bad as it is, I didn’t dislike it at all. It was entertaining in the most ridiculous ways possible and Alberto Rojas is always a pleasure seeing, even in the weird/bad shit he’s starred in because his personality is just so positive that you can’t say no to the guy (RIP Alberto!). Roberta d’Nero is also a pleasure seeing. A big pleasure that is. She’s incredibly hot after all and you cannot deny this!

If you feel like losing yourself in reality for an hour & half, then just put on Los Enredos En La Casa Blanca and you’ll feel completely out of this world & quite happy by the time it’s all over.  Also, If you're looking for a movie adaption of the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal, then this is probably the one & only movie you'll need to watch honestly. After all, the whole thing was fucking ridiculous from beginning to end just like this movie is!

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Los Chuper Heroes or Los Chuper Amigos.

When a bus is pulled over by some burglars, 3 drunken workers of the Hotel Del Prado in Cuernavacas decide to fight back and end up saving everyone from getting their valuables taken. Our 3 heroes then drink to celebrate their heroic actions and decide to form a superhero team to keep the public safe from crime. They call themselves “Los Chuper Amigos”.  There’s Chuper Nena, who has Chuper strength! Then there’s Super Chinelo (played by Alfonso Zayas) who with a ring of a bell becomes the (stupidest) ultimate fighting machine and then there’s Chuper Chavo who has (no actual) fighting skills & weaponry in a belt.

Basically, Los Chuper Heroes is yet another attempt at a quirky & drunken superhero parody, but very much so fails. Most of the time we see the Chuper Heroes drinking on the job and run around failing to fight crime. Now they do however save a child from being kidnapped, but then afterwards they save Chuper Chavo’s godfather from being blackmailed by a political rival. That’s it. That is basically the entire movie. How lame, right? Now I’ll admit, the Chuper Heroes’ costumes are cheap & neat though, but it's always a pleasure seeing terrible costumes in any type of movie. The good & the bad.

I expected to see Los Chuper Heroes fighting a big time villain or a big crime syndicate; but we get none of that whatsoever. My expectations were for whatever reason set high for this movie, but obviously it all turn to a deceiving & awful disappointment like my last girlfriend. I also found it odd they filmed the entire movie at the Hotel Del Prado and that’s mainly where the movie takes place. I figured the movie would be set outside of the hotel as well, but it’s really not. They make it out like Chuper Chavo is somewhere in town at night, but it’s obvious he’s just at the hotel balconies at night. Not even the little bits of skin shown in the movie could save the movie or make it a little tolerable. Alfonso Zayas sadly doesn’t bang any women in the movie either. He just caresses women very awkwardly. Eesh.

Basically this is another Caguamas Ninjas, but with a much smaller setting and far more lame characters. Except Gaston Padilla’s character of course(!)

If you’re really that curious to see Los Chuper Heroes, then seek it out. Otherwise, just skip it completely & go out drinking with your mistress instead.