Monday, February 18, 2013

That one time when I bought a shitty Mexicali movie on DVD.

So last Sunday I went to a flea market in Azusa, CA. I been going to that particular flea market since I was 13 and always looked forward to going there since I would always find amazing things there (mostly movies). As the years went by, the amazing finds have been declining and with that happening, going there has become sorta pointless but a pleasant walk at least.

So anyway, I went there on Sunday not expecting to find anything, then as I reach the last line of vendors, I see an old man with a thick black beard sitting there by himself and just a cardboard box in front of him. He shouted calmly "a dollar, a dollar!" meaning everything in that box was just a dollar. I look inside the box and see a bunch of bargain bin DVD's of kung-fu movies and a few Spanish movies. I didn't like what I saw in the box at first, but then I found a semi-dirty & used copy of Frontera De Mexicali. The cover for Frontera De Mexicali was clearly awful looking and thus already giving me the feeling the movie was just as awful, but I thought "oh, what the hell" and gave the old man a dollar for the DVD.

Was this worth a dollar? Keep reading and you shall find out.

In Frontera De Mexicali, a man named Manuel (Jorge Gomez) is ripping off people that want to cross the border. Sometimes he lies to them saying they have crossed to the USA, but actually they're just still in Mexico. Sometimes Manuel robs these people for whatever they got, and worst of all, sometimes he rapes the women that attempt to cross. Manuel is clearly a fucked up dude! Not only does he fuck with poor people trying to cross, he also works with an evil drug smuggler (Noe Murayama). Manuel is very acquainted with an old drunk named "Don Ysidro". He sometimes lends him money and gives him bottles of booze. Don Ysidro has a hot daughter named Martha (Cristi Olmos). Martha for some reason ends up marrying Manuel even though she has no clue on what he does for a living and barely even knows him on a personal level. So anyway, when Manuel is wanted by the police for drug smuggling & murder, he leaves Martha and goes into hiding. Martha pregnant with Manuel's child & desperate to survive, she decides to leave Mexico and go to Los Angeles to live with a cousin whom she has never met before. As for Don Ysidro? he's left alone and continues to drink.

What the fuck?

Honestly, this is the stupidest movie I have seen yet. Now don't get me wrong; this is not the worst movie I have ever seen, but it comes close! Very close!

First of all, the movie is just all over the place (sloppy as shit) and the lame ass characters never make sense since their actions are just so stupid. Martha; a hot chick & all, ends up marrying a man she barely knows and has no clue on what he does for a living. Really? REALLY?!??! Then she leaves her old drunk father alone so she can live in LA with a cousin she has never met before. Really? REALLY?!??! Then there's Don Ysidro; who is clearly played by a 40 year old man wearing a fake beard resembling Vicki Lawrence's Mama wig. While I got a big laugh from the old man appearance, I was still heavily annoyed by the awful old man voice the actor gives. The thought of it is annoying me now (oh!).

Now the tackiest thing about Frontera De Mexicali is the fact that it appears to be 2 movies put together. The scenes with Noe Murayama appear to be from the late 80's or early 90's, while the rest of the movie is from the present time (1998). Obviously putting these 2 movies together, plus a fake old man, plus characters that don't make sense, equals a terrible sloppy mess of a movie. God Dammit...

Frontera De Mexicali is an awful movie. I did get a minor kick out of it only because of the fake old man (minus the voice) and fine ass Cristi Olmos. The rest of the movie however was complete shit. Worth a dollar? Well.. I guess. Worth watching more than once? Haha, well... No. Watch it once and never look back at it again unless you plan on goggly eyeing on Cristi Olmos. Speaking of Cristi Olmos, she is seriously so damn hot. Damn girl, where you at these days? Hopefully you're not sitting around and caressing that fake old man beard. 1/10.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love is in the air. Blood is spilling on the floor.

A killer is on the loose (the killer played by Roberto Ballesteros). His victims are mostly ladies of the night. They are raped before murdered brutally. After the murders are committed; the killer sits down, sips on red wine, and listens to a bizarre French cassette. While this killer is on the loose, a man called "Flaco" (Roberto Flaco Guzman!) has fallen in love with a woman he's spied on through a telescope that he mistakenly received. He was supposed to receive a tiny rotten banana as an innuendo for his small penis ('jaja'). The killer's and Flaco's worlds collide when Flaco's girlfriend-to-be ends up in the hands of the killer. It's up to Flaco to save her since she lives right across from his apartment building! (duh!)

Mujeres De Media Noche (aka "Ladies of the Night") is a sex comedy and a brutal slasher. Could this combination be a good thing or a bad thing? Well when it comes to this movie, it actually turned out pretty good. The movie starts off like any other slasher movie; we meet the killer and watch him brutally rape & murder an attractive prostitute, then he stabs her with various knives and leaves em' on her back while cheesy Valentine balloons float nearby. Nasty, huh? Afterwards we meet Flaco and his crazy co-workers and friends. They dance, talk shit, and when Flaco receives the telescope, we watch him and his friend (played by Cesar Bono) spy on women that live in the apartment building across from theirs. After all the quirky comedy gags & hot girls dancing, we get back to the slasher stuff and eventually these bizarre set of characters meet and it all gets very interesting from there. Yay.

 Mujeres De Media Noche is definitely worth a look. Go for it, ya freaks & weirdos.