Thursday, November 22, 2012

That Old Man Was A Fucking Asshole.

In Era Cabron El Viejo (aka "That Old Man Was An Asshole"), Viejo Paulino (old man Paulino) is sought after by his compadre (godfather) who is his rival in the drug trafficking business. The compadre has sent out a bunch of assassins to kill Paulino but they've all failed since Paulino and his sidekick always shoot the fuckers down with their AK-47's (ay guey!). Paulino has had enough with the rivalry with his compadre, so he decides to kill him along with his cousin, a snitch, and some cops that work for the compadre. He also kidnaps his compadre's young niece whom later ends up falling in love with him. Viejo Paulino is a fucking asshole, huh?

Era Cabron El Viejo starts off really good. Asshole Viejo Paulino guns down a car which then explodes (best opening credits ever), a drunk Fernando Almada acts grouchy, then there's some random shooting between Paulino and other old assholes (of course), then the movie takes a turn for the lamest with pointless comedic scenes, Paulino being nice to a little sick girl and being a romantic with his compadre's niece. What the fuck? I thought this was Era Cabron El Viejo, not Era Nice & Romantico El Viejo!!

Era Cabron El Viejo could of been so much better if Viejo Paulino was an asshole through out the whole movie, not half asshole/romantic/father figure.

Meh, Era Cabron El Viejo is whatever. Curious? Check it out I guess. Not curious? Then walk away and watch something else. 2/10.

                                                   Luis y Julian "Era Cabron El Viejo" music video (censored unfortunately):

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Miguel Angel Rodriguez is a werewolf!

Greed. Lust. Lycanthropy. Blood. Welcome to Colmillos: El Hombre Lobo (aka "Fangs: The Werewolf").

A man named Cristobal (Miguel Angel Rodriguez) longs to be wealthy and to be with the beautiful Susana (Olivia Collins). Of course, he feels he has no chance at getting with her since he is no rich man like his rival Roman (a trust fund baby). After finishing up working at the horse stable, Cristobal runs into a mysterious woman called Tara who hands him a precious statue which contains precious jewels. Apparently Tara will grant his wishes only if he becomes 'hers'. After kissing her and then turning into a corpse, Cristobal wakes up from this so called nightmare, but then he realizes he did actually acquire that precious statue! Did he actually kiss zombified Tara though? Oh yes he did! Now that Cristobal owns the statue; he then sells the precious jewels from it to weird old rich dudes. As Cristobal sells the jewels, he begins to change.... He now has a hunger for raw meat, hair starts to grow on his back, and when the moon is full, he becomes a werewolf that kills anyone that he comes across with. Selling those jewels was a big, big mistake it seems!

Okay, so why is this movie so damn obscure? Why wasn't this movie part of the Crypt of Terror: Horror from South of the Border DVD set? I mean come on now! Colmillos: El Hombre Lobo is seriously so good. The movie is pretty damn entertaining from start to finish, the special effects are seriously good (you got to love the transformation scene!), and the acting is really great. Miguel Angel Rodriguez and Olivia Collins are so perfect in this movie. They really did a good job playing their roles!

Of course, I wasn't exactly too fond of the animal killings in the movie. A poor kitten is dismembered and a bull as well. I honestly felt that was very unnecessary to have in the movie, but oh well. I was also not too fond of the character Tara since there was not much to know about her. She just pops out of nowhere and continues to do so til the end. Who was she exactly? Was she a ghost? A demon? A witch? I really want to know what she was supposed to be, but it doesn't look like I'll ever get to know unless my greedy hands acquire the movie script.

Colmillos is quite easy to acquire on DVD, so please get yourself a copy. You will definitely enjoy this Mexican Werewolf . I guarantee it.