Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Alfonso Zayas' Chico Pistolon.

An attempt to cash-in on Alfonso Zayas' success in the sex comedy scene, legendary Miguel Marte made Chico Pistolon (roughly translated as "Little Big Gun").  Chico Pistolon is pretty much like any other Miguel Marte movie; there is action & some melodrama going on, but there is a splash of 'comedy' thrown in and a little drop of 'sex' in it.

Action + Melodrama = Good.

Action + Melodrama + (sex) Comedy = Bad. Very Bad.

Miguel Marte, why did you have to make this movie for?!?!?!?!

In Chico Pistolon, Alfonso Zayas plays a stupid guy named Antonio who is a thief that has to holds unto his pants because he doesn't have a belt (seriously). When he's arrested with his pants down (again, due to lacking a belt),  he is then taken to custody but somehow he ends up getting mistaken for being the new cop in town. Antonio (now pretending to be the new cop in town) is partnered up with Ramon (Mario Almada); who is an old cop that recently lost his follower in a shootout. So anyway, Ramon hands Antonio a "chico pistolon", Antonio drives around awkwardly in Ramon's truck, they then they gun battle with drug dealers, and uuhh, well... It just gets more awful from there since the movie terribly tries to be funny and serious at the same time. Ugh.

What an epic failure Chico Pistolon is. It is so boring and very painful to watch since the movie tries to be funny so badly. Ah hell, Miguel Marte should of just forgot abut making a comedy movie and instead invest in another great action movie.

Avoid Chico Pistolon at all costs. It sucks so badly! 1/10.


Thursday, January 24, 2013

I had no idea what was going on.

In Homoti, a Turkish reporter drives around in an ATV, looks cool, and seems to be struggling to write a good report for a newspaper he works for. Struggling & all, he ends up acquiring 'realistic' looking flying saucers, throws em in the air, and snaps photos of them! By coincidence, a real flying saucer crashes down nearby. The flying saucer crashed because an alien named Homoti appears to be ill of something weird. The reporter guy feeling bad for Homoti, takes him back home so the ugly alien can recover and socialize with the reporter's strange looking family & friends.

From there, I didn't know what the fuck was going on in the movie. All I remember seeing was Homoti doing weird card tricks via late 80's computer graphics, some woman smiling in front of Homoti while he sits on the couch with a blanket over him, and Homoti 'crying' while watching the reporter guy having sex with his girlfriend. Homoti's crying looked more like he was smearing make-up all over his face..

Homoti is an awful movie. Sometimes I think if I understood it, I would not find the movie to be too awful. However, that is quite doubtful (very, very doubtful). What makes this movie so awful is that its not laughable since absolutely nothing funny happens. If anything, you'll just end up feeling uncomfortable since Homoti is clearly an ugly looking alien and walks around very creepy like. I shiver just at the thought of Homoti walking. I also shiver at the thought of Homoti 'crying'.

Fuck Homoti. Don't waste your time watching it. 1/10.