Sunday, June 2, 2019

Don Chido, Chido, Chido.

In 1972, Francis Ford Coppola brought Mario Puzo's best-selling novel "The Godfather" to the big screen. The Godfather is the most iconic mobster movie ever made. Many have imitated it, but none could ever reach that level of epicness & beauty that Coppola's movie has. In 1992, a low-budget Mexican filmmaker named Roberto Castillo put together a mobster movie and this would be much different than any other mobster movie out there because it was going to have the iconic Mexican comedic character Juan Camaney (Luis De Alba) who dances tango, chews gum, sticks like glue & gets all the chicks he wants, “tururu”. Tururu indeed. What does that even mean though? I have no idea.

After helping an aging mob boss from an assault, Juan Camaney becomes a mobster and later becomes the new Don of the crime syndicate. With the help of his consigliere Angel, Juan Camaney goes head on with his enemies that want him gone and take over the organization themselves. Juan Camaney of course gives no shit about that and just messes with all his enemies by doing some immature shit towards them such as squirting a water pistol at their faces & making fun of them when he sees them at the local nightclub. Juan Camaney being a pervert and a slob—prepares himself a hot dog all while a woman awaits for him in bed. She gets ketchup smeared on her face, she says she feels like a hamburger and this is when Juan Camaney gets horny & is all over the woman.

This is the new Don of the mafia, ladies & gentlemen. Don Corleone is dead. Don Chido lives.

In 2013 at the tender age of 22 going on 23, I called Juan Camaney De La Mafia a plain awful movie & a waste of $9. Today being 2019 and almost 30, I still think the movie is plain awful but not so much of a waste of $9 since I actually care enough to still own it after all this time. While the movie is mildly entertaining at times, it does rather get boring for the most part and clearly the plot is so incoherent & weird. I like weird don’t get me wrong, but this is just weird in the bad kind of way. The mobster characters in the movie are fucking dumb & never funny, the women in the movie are dull & never get naked and while Juan Camaney is funny sometimes (for ex. he hides an AK-47 under the sheets that looks like a giant boner), he’s just so damn ridiculous you can’t help but feel somewhat second-hand embarrassed towards him. It’s like watching a drunken uncle fall in the middle of your little cousin’s 6th birthday party while everyone watches in shock & awkwardness. There’s also a guy in the movie called “Pepperoni” and yes, it’s an Italian food joke. A bad joke. My favorite scene of the movie is when Juan Camaney & crew walk into a nightclub that’s playing “On Your Feet” by Shok Paris and it is so fucking random but hilarious. Am I to believe Mexican nightclub goers in the 90's were really dancing to low-rate heavy metal music?

Juan Camaney De La Mafia Can either be a waste of time for you or it can be like your favorite movie ever like other crap I get asked for to hand out for free (y’all seriously want “El Dia De Las Locas” that bad?), whatever the case, this movie for me is bad but I don’t dislike it as much as I did before. Do I love it now? God no. Not even the slightest bit. I only find it intriguing now because it’s utter crap, but this kind of crap is definitely obscure and should be watched by fans of Juan Camaney/Luis De Alba. Maybe it’ll be your Godfather movie that will make you cry & awe. For me though, The Godfather part II will make me cry & awe and Juan Camaney De La Mafia will make me cry in agony & feel embarrassed for watching it again.