Sunday, January 27, 2019

How I ended up watching Lencha La Taxista instead of Roma.

After the release of Roma on Netflix, it was getting a lot of buzz everywhere. It seems everyone who watched It fell in love with it & praised it for everything it showed (even an airplane that flies around in the movie). A couple of weeks after it’s release, I fell down into the funnel of love. I met a girl. She was a dream. She was slightly younger than me, but nevertheless she was still a dream. She was perfect. She wore high-waisted jeans, an oversized vintage windbreaker, does her makeup very well, likes almost the same music as me, likes movies quite a bit and also heavily into photography & thrift shopping. Her name? “Connie”.

After a perfect winter date of eating ramen, thrift shopping & her taking pictures of various trees in the neighborhood; we had agreed to meet again soon at The Buttertones show and afterwards we would go back to my place to watch Roma because it was a movie she was truly looking forward to seeing, but had no Netflix account to watch it on. I was a little hesitant at first because I didn’t really want to watch the overly-praised movie, but how could I say no to her & with the little baby doll face she has? Ugh. It was my weakness for sure.

The night of the concert seemed promising. We held each other close. We danced to our favorite songs. Various alcoholic beverages drunken. We shared a few kisses as well. Things were going quite good and by then I didn’t mind watching Roma back home with her. When Connie went to the restroom, I waited for her at first, but then I had to use the restroom as well, so I went in quickly thinking after I come back she’d be out waiting for me, or I’d wait just another a minute or two for her. I waited more than 15 minutes and she still wasn’t out.

Was Connie still in the restroom? Nope.

Turns out after I went, she came out and ran into a guy she knew. I forget his name exactly, but it was something douchebag-sounding like Jesse or Mark or some basic shit like that. Connie ditched me to be with this lipless, hairy male who thinks Alex Jones is a genius & thinks Attack Attack! is the best band ever. I didn’t understand why she preferred the company of him and not me. I was broken inside. I thought I finally found the one, but instead I found more heartbreak & disappointment in my life. As The Buttertones performed “I Ran Away”, I slowly walked out, tears running down my eyes, headed back home.

Once I arrived back home I was still broken inside, but I knew I had to carry on and not let a girl who thinks a photo of a dead tree is art hurt me so bad. Sitting in bed I thought; “Do I watch Roma still or what?”, but watching Roma would hurt me; so instead I chose a movie that I would forever be grateful for because it really helped me through this dumb hurtful ordeal. That movie that helped was Lencha La Taxista.

In the small town of “Los Molcajetes”, an orphanage struggles to make ends meet and a little boy named Pablito grows ill. The priest of the town seeks help from the most hardworking woman in town, Lencha (Lucila Mariscal). Lencha owns her own “taxi” service, or donkey ride service. She agrees to care for some of the kids which includes Pablito, but he grows more ill, so Lencha decides she must work outside Los Molcajetes to save up money for an operation that could cure Pablito. Lencha then heads out to the big city where her friend Laura can get her a job. Once Lencha arrives in Mexico City: she meets a drunk named Pedro (Cesar Bono) who’s falls madly in love with her, Lencha gets a job as a maid and then quickly gets a gig singing, she then learns how to drive to become a taxi driver and along the way gets into some very, very bizarre mischief with Laura and her new pals.

Lencha La Taxista is definitely not the best movie ever made nor is it perfect since it sometimes drags to one thing on to another. However, the movie doesn’t fail to entertain whatsoever because it’s just an hour and a half of mindless comedic fun. Lencha La Taxista features the quirky comedy of Lucila Mariscal’s famous persona “Lencha” who’s a chubby Mexican ranchera lady with a quirky attitude. Let me tell you folks, Lencha is hilarious. Just the way she says certain things immediately puts a smile on your face because it’s so bizarre. She also seems to have a natch of saying names & things wrong. She calls Pablito “Plabito, clavito, etc etc”. Lencha is also a woman of many talents and one is being able to sing very well. In the movie she sings a couple of songs: one being about eating a lot/being overweight and the other song is about being with her “papusho”(sic) & how other papushos are after her often. These songs are extremely weird, but very hilarious as well. I also can’t forget Lencha always carries a machete with her. Where she carries it exactly is a mystery, but she always has it on her and it comes in handy in a couple of scenes.

Cesar Bono also delivers some laughs in the movie with his weird drunken character Pedro and his use of a bicycle instead of a car because he’s “anti smog”. Pedro is also madly in love with Lencha. He adores her and wants her to be his girlfriend so badly because she brings the happiness in life he’s longed for to have. Eventually they do get married (she reminds him before the ceremony to take a shower) and the wedding is one heck of a time! Everyone in Los Molcajetes dances away to a catchy song about a dame & her little dog. Amazing, right? They also agree to have their honeymoon in the most romantic part of Mexico: Tabasco.

Now the most odd part of the movie is the comedic duo that appear before Lencha makes her singing debut. Meet Chaf & Queli. Donning wigs; Chaf plays the stereotypical Mexican ranchero man and Queli plays an American know-it-all. They both go back & forth comparing their people’s inventions and how the other is better & smarter. Queli will say “our people made the most amazing thing in medical history: "X-Rays”. Chaf responds to that with “In my town, we made something that makes it possible to see through walls: Windows.”. Chaf also tells the story of his brother getting his hand cut off by the town’s doctor and is replaced with a cow utter. Gay, boner & sodomy jokes are told along the way as well. Chaf & Queli’s comedy show is just about one of the dumbest & oddest things I’ve ever seen, but I can’t get over it. I laugh every time just thinking of Chaf & Queli. They’re bad comedians, but their bad attempts to be funny is very entertaining nonetheless. Bless these 2 freakin’ weirdos.

Lencha La Taxista is a good time. Sure it’s not the best movie ever written, or well-acted and nor does it over-analyze the meaning of water or filmed in black & white to be artsy; but it doesn’t fail to entertain in the most unusual, ridiculous ways. It’s a movie that doesn’t take itself serious at all. It’s just a movie that’s meant to give cheap laughs and to make you forget your troubles for 92 minutes. Lucila Mariscal also never fails to entertain. She’s been playing her character Lencha for comedy shows & tv shows for quite some time and every time she does, it’s always a pleasure seeing. All her papushos must love her madly because she's just so amazing. Trust me guys, she's got plenty of male fans that long for her. Seriously.

Cute quirky girls like Connie come & go all the fucking time. Maybe one day I’ll find the right one for me, maybe I won't; but one thing I know for sure is that there will only be one Lencha in this world. Lencha is not replaceable & cannot be duplicated and will always make you laugh & smile. Thank you so much, Lucila Mariscal aka Lencha. 7/10.

"La Tragona" by Lucila Mariscal (Lencha). English Subtitles done by yours truly!

Chaf y Queli comedy show