Saturday, November 5, 2011

Death To Punks!

So the other night, I went for a walk. I walked and thought about ridiculous things in my life. "Will Melinda Maloney ever be my girl?" "Will I ever admit to Tatiana how much I love her?" "Will I ever move to Los Angeles and meet odd people like myself?" "Will Payasito's fame from the 90's come back to the present time?" Those were the ridiculous questions I had in my head as I walked the sleazy streets of the crappy city I live in. All of a sudden, 4 punks approached me. They asked if I had any money to spare them. I said no. They pulled out knives. Right then and there I knew I was doomed and the ridiculous questions I had in my head were never going to be answered. Next thing you know, a man in a motorcycle road up in front of myself and the punks. He pulls out a gun, then shoots the punks down. The man in the motorcycle took off his helmet and said he was Jorge Luke.

In a loud, surprised voice I said, "Luke! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Tijuana filming a narco movie? And why haven't you updated your haircut? We aren't in the 80's anymore.."

Then Luke says, "I was just In the neighborhood, hunting down criminals like in my 1990 classic film Pandilleros Asesinos. Have you seen it?"

I replied, "No, should I?"

Luke replies back with a serious look on his face, "Yes. Buy it."

So, Jorge Luke rode away in his motorcycle and I went home to buy a copy of Pandilleros Asesinos on Amazon. It came a week later and I watched it right away. Did I enjoy it? Find out after I tell you what it is about!

Pandilleros Asesinos (aka "Gang Murders") is about a man named Jorge (played by the cool Jorge Luke) who lives a nice, simple life with his mother and young sister. One day, a gang of vicious punks kidnap Jorge's sister. They take her to their hangout spot (an abandoned house) where they brutally rape her and kill her.  Jorge, angry and knowing who the murderers are: Goes to a motorcycle shop, buys an all black biker outfit (helmet and boots sold separately), steals his mama's gun, and rides his motorcycle late at night looking for the vicious punks that killed his innocent sister. When he finds them, they get killed pretty fucking brutally. One punk gets stabbed in the dick! The other gets his dick cut off! Ouch!

Pandilleros Asesinos is one heck of an entertaining movie! It's wonderfully and poorly made. The editing is shitty. The music is crappy but in a way, it blends in very well into the movie. Jorge Luke, a good actor and all, does an A-okay job in this movie. His crying part was awful though. The man just can't fake cry. Like most of these movies, there's a special appearance by a famous actor! In Pandilleros Asesinos, funny man Cesar Bono makes a special appearance as.... The motorcycle salesman. Yeah, that is definitely a surprise alright. Especially since it is a non-comedic part. Cesar Bono? Wtf? Why did you star in a small serious role for? Why??! You're supposed to be a funny man! Whyyyy!!!

Well, this is a pretty cool little Revenge/Punk flick. Nothing special but it is quite entertaining. Curious? Then get a copy. 5/10.


Luke if you are reading this, thanks for saving my life. I appreciate it, sir. By the way, are you by any chance related to my 2nd cousin "El Che"? Because you sure look like him. Oh, and you never did tell me why you haven't updated your haircut. Please tell me why whenever possible.

Thanks dude,


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